I have realized after many years my boyfriend and I just aren't going to make it. The times we do get together are few and far between. When we do get together he's a great dude and we have a lot of fun. But this isn't for me, he needs to be around more often. He can find the time to do the things he wants to do, but when it comes to the things I want to do he always has to work. I'm not sure how to tell him because I don't have to hurt his feelings. I don't want to continue to be friends I don't want anything but to walk away and find someone who is willing to share our lives together not just his life. I thought about a text message, a voice mail, an email and even just sending it in a card. Everytime I try to think about what I am going to say it hurts my heart because I hung in there so long waiting for him to change that I developed feelings for him. I always believed him when he told me he was busy that I actually felt bad for him that he didn't have time for me and really thought he would if he could. I don't feel that way to more. My friends tell me to be honest with him, I just want to start giving him back his excuses every time he calls then eventually the calls will stop.
Everyone has needs, and if you are not getting yours fulfilled then it makes sense to at least "consider" other options. When relationships start both parties usually have the best of intentions going in. As the "novelties" of these relationships wear off then you come to the realization of whether your needs are getting met or not. While "time" is an important aspect it should not be considered the only issue in a relationship. People have different responsibilities and sometimes those responsibilities can make availability time "sparse." I always say that a relationship should not be based solely on the "quantity" of time but rather the "quality" of time. From the sound of your email it sounds as though when the two of you DO get together the moments are special. You could trade that in for a man with more time but possibly with less feeling from him. Be careful how you handle your situation, because once you make a definitive move it is not always easy to correct later on... Most of all, make sure that you are making the proper assessment before making your final decision. If your feelings for each other are that true, then you at least owe each other "that" much... Here is the Phantom Poet to ease into your weekend:
I realize that now my boyfriend and I are just not going to make it
That's why I decided with our relationship that I'm going to break it
The times we do get together are far and few between
And that is why I think it is now time for me to intervene
He is a really great dude and we have a lot of fun
But he is way too busy and for me this relationship is now done
I really don't want anything else but to just walk away
I thought about texting, voice mail and email for what I have to say
After many years I developed some really strong feelings for him
But I rarely see him, and our chances of making it are now rather slim
He had a really good woman in me and I know I gave it my all
So I think I am just going to break this down and give him a call
A good woman like me just hates to be left alone
So why when I dialed his number did some other woman answer his phone?
Why some other woman would answer his phone I really couldn't see
And then when he got on the line he said that he was breaking up with "me"
He said he thought about sending a text, email, voice mail or even a card
Because he said the thought of telling me this message for him was just too hard
He said that I was really too busy for him and he really felt bad
And that is why when thinking of telling me this he was feeling so sad
How dare he say that I don't have time for him as though I'm the one to blame?
I screamed and I hollered and I think I even called him a bad name
I thought things were really bad, but this situation has gone from bad to worse
I was going to break things off with him, but how dare he break things off with me FIRST?
Now I'm mad because I love him and there is no way that we both should be departed
But since he broke it off with me first, now I'm the one who feels... "broken hearted"....
I thought I would be the one to break it off with him, I reckoned
Because if a man is going to break it off with you, make sure he does so "second"
"Do unto others.... FIRST"... The Phantom Poet
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